Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Advice on Giving Advice

How to ensure that your advice is worthless:
  • offer it in front of other people, in such a way that the person you are advising is embarrassed.

  • offer it even when there is absolutely no indication whatsoever that the person needs or wants it.

  • offer your wisdom in areas where you are obviously failing yourself. Hypocrisy at its finest.

  • offer advice every time you are in the same room with the unfortunate souls who are not as smart as you are.

  • offer advice on EVERYTHING. No subject is too trivial that you cannot expound on all the reasons that your way is better than anyone else's.

  • make sure that when you meet someone for the first time, they are aware that YOU are the authority on anything they could possibly want to know, and give them a healthy sampling of your store of knowledge during that very first conversation.
I humbly offer these suggestions to anyone who would like to be annoying on an epic level. I've learned these valuable tips and tricks from enduring this well-meaning but useless advice from acquaintances over the years, and I'm ashamed to admit that I have found myself trying at least a couple of these ideas myself once in awhile.

(Disclaimer: This post is not in direct response to any specific event or person in the recent or even distant past.  Any similarity to persons or events real or imagined is purely mostly coincidental.)

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