Adapt and Grow

This post contains affiliate links - using affiliate links from HS Coffee Break helps fuel this blog. 

Usually on Fridays I share and link up a Five Minute Friday post, but that link-up is taking a holiday break for three weeks. Oddly, as it turns out, I discovered that I missed writing on three words way back in February when I did the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge. My theme was Coping With Change, and it also turns out those three words are perfect for the most recent changes in life that I've been coping with. Bonus words to write about for five minutes (or more) during the holidays.

********************

One word. Five minutes to write about it. This is the idea behind Five Minute Friday and this is today's free-writing post.

adapt and adjust

adapt to suit

********************

The measure of intelligence is the ability to change. ~Albert Einstein

To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often. ~Winston Churchill

Why do I tend to feel sorry for myself when I'm the one that is expected to adapt and adjust? Maybe we all tend to be a bit disgruntled when we are expected the change something that we hadn't planned on. It's not fair to be the inflexible, immovable person all the time either, and so we all do what we need to do. We all give a little bit and negotiate a bit and change happens. And sometimes change happens whether we're on board or not, and we are forced to adapt just to survive. 

Adaptability is a survival skill, I suppose. Being able to adapt our skill sets helps us succeed in a changing job market. Being able to adapt our communication and relational style helps us maintain good relationships with family and friends. Being able to adjust our expectations helps us stay reasonable and grounded.

To survive and even thrive in a changing world, nature offers another great lesson: the survivors are those who at the least adapt to change, or even better learn to benefit from change and grow intellectually and personally. That means careful listening and constant learning. ~Frances Arnold

Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has ordained that you shall live. ~Marcus Aurelius

Sometimes, though, there's a fine line between adapting and giving in. Between adapting and compromising. Healthy adapting shouldn't mean conforming to what everyone else is doing, going along with the crowd, or giving up our own identity or principles so we can fit in. 

The world around me has changed, and I have learned to adapt but not change. But I'm changing into the woman I am meant to be. ~Aurora

I have been adjusting my expectations of what my life would look like at this stage. I'm adjusting my expectations of what my home will look like and how I'll spend my time. I've been trying to adjust my attitude when I find myself feeling grumpy or like I've been hard done by. Adapting to change by making the little course adjustments when needed but not abandoning ship. I'm learning more and more that I need to allow the Holy Spirit to show me what needs changing, so that the adaptations will make me a better person and more like Jesus.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.

~Romans 12:1-2~

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

~II Corinthians 3:17-18~

********************

You know I wasn't going to end without at least one more humorous quote, right? I have no idea who this guy is, a singer or a comedian probably, but I got a kick out of the quote.

Adapt to yourself, bro. What I wanna say is don't let nobody tell you that you should stay in your lane, bro. ~Ski Mask the Slump God

Which led me to include this bonus music video:

********************

For the recent Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge, I had decided to explore the theme of living well and with purpose during times of change. A few years ago, as I neared the end of my years as a homeschool mom, I realized my world would change when my youngest graduated. My roles in the homeschool community and in my social circles were affected. Things changed in the workplace. Things are ever changing at church. And as my children grew up and the nest has begun to empty, family dynamics are changing. To our surprise, my husband's job ended at the very beginning of 2022, which brought another round of changes to consider! (He started a new position in February, and moving was a change we did not have to deal with after all!) Fast forward to the fall of 2022, and the new job ended, and we did have to make a move and cope with a lot of changes! I know very well that writing about coping with change is not the same as having all the answers. I'll do my best to share what I'm learning and experiencing, and I'd love to hear from others in the comments. I didn't finish writing and posting everything at the tail end of the challenge, so I think maybe these last couple of prompts were serendipitously left for me to write about now, as I'm reflecting on the most recent changes I've had to cope with.

This post is part of the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge hosted by Anita Ojeda. Find all my posts for the 2022 challenge here: 28 Days of Coping With Change

Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better. ~Sydney J. Harris

Although not linked at Five Minute Friday due to the holiday break, this post more or less follows my usual Five Minute Friday format.

This post will be linked at Inspire Me Monday, at the Sweet Tea & Friends Monthly Link-up Party hosted by Simply Coffee & Jesus, and at Let's Have Coffee hosted by Joanne Viola: Days and Thoughts

Don't miss a coffee break! Subscribe to HS Coffee Break by email 

 ©2006-2023 HS Coffee Break. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. http://kympossibleblog.blogspot.com/ 

 We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Strength When We're Tired

This post contains affiliate links - using affiliate links from HS Coffee Break helps fuel this blog. 

Usually on Fridays I share and link up a Five Minute Friday post, but that link-up is taking a holiday break for three weeks. Oddly, as it turns out, I discovered that I missed writing on three words way back in February when I did the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge. My theme was Coping With Change, and it also turns out those three words are perfect for the most recent changes in life that I've been coping with. Bonus words to write about for five minutes (or more) during the holidays.

********************

One word. Five minutes to write about it. This is the idea behind Five Minute Friday and this is today's free-writing post.

sick and tired

too tired to care

bone tired

********************

Life is one long process of getting tired. ~Samuel Butler

This has been quite a year. So many ups and downs and unexpected twists and turns on this roller coaster of life. And honestly, I'm just tired. Some days I'm just exhausted and weary and not sure how I'll find the motivation to do what needs to be done. I think we all experience that one way or another, and some of us suffer more than others.

We get bone tired. Physically tired and achy. Our bodies have limits and as we age or deal with health problems, we just start to wear out and few of us have as much energy as we did when we were in our twenties.

We get tired of trying. Emotionally drained. It feels like nothing is going right or that we somehow keep getting the short end of the stick. We keep trying to do better, to mend a relationship rift, to find joy and purpose, but we can easily get discouraged and lose our motivation.

Tired minds don't plan well. Sleep first, plan later. ~Walter Reisch

Physical changes, circumstantial changes, emotional upheaval can all combine to make us feel tired. And perhaps right after Christmas, we feel it even more. I often do, and I certainly do this year! It's cold and my joints ache, and gloomy weather makes me feel sleepy. I'm emotionally rather worn down by all the things related to the move and trying to settle into a new home. And we don't yet have friends or a church home locally to help with the burdens. And so, I feel tired, and even discouraged.

But when I am weak, Christ is strong. When I can't, he has already made a way. When I'm weary, he does provide rest and renewed strength.

We can be tired, weary and emotionally distraught, but after spending time alone with God, we find that He injects into our bodies energy, power and strength. ~Charles Stanley

I'm reminded of the disciples gathering around Jesus to report all their ministry successes, being interrupted and bothered by a crowd, and Jesus says, "You need to get some rest." He knows what we need.

The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, 

"Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."

~Mark 6:30-31~

When I'm tired of all the change and all the trying, Jesus offers rest and renewal. 

Do you not know? Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strenght.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

~Isaiah 40:28-31~

Perhaps here, at the end of the year, is a good time to rest. To pause and reflect. To remember all the times God has been faithful and carried us through. Use our tiredness as a reminder to stop and rest in him, and to receive the renewal we need to head into a new year. Selah. 

********************

See my related posts: Ease The Burden and Dear Homeschool Mom . . . Come To A Quiet Place

********************

For the recent Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge, I had decided to explore the theme of living well and with purpose during times of change. A few years ago, as I neared the end of my years as a homeschool mom, I realized my world would change when my youngest graduated. My roles in the homeschool community and in my social circles were affected. Things changed in the workplace. Things are ever changing at church. And as my children grew up and the nest has begun to empty, family dynamics are changing. To our surprise, my husband's job ended at the very beginning of 2022, which brought another round of changes to consider! (He started a new position in February, and moving was a change we did not have to deal with after all!) Fast forward to the fall of 2022, and the new job ended, and we did have to make a move and cope with a lot of changes! I know very well that writing about coping with change is not the same as having all the answers. I'll do my best to share what I'm learning and experiencing, and I'd love to hear from others in the comments. I didn't finish writing and posting everything at the tail end of the challenge, so I think maybe these last couple of prompts were serendipitously left for me to write about now, as I'm reflecting on the most recent changes I've had to cope with.

This post is part of the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge hosted by Anita Ojeda. Find all my posts for the 2022 challenge here: 28 Days of Coping With Change

Although not linked at Five Minute Friday due to the holiday break, this post more or less follows my usual Five Minute Friday format.

This post will be linked at Inspire Me Monday and at Let's Have Coffee hosted by Joanne Viola: Days and Thoughts

 

Don't miss a coffee break! Subscribe to HS Coffee Break by email 

 ©2006-2022 HS Coffee Break. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. http://kympossibleblog.blogspot.com/ 

 We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Unexpected Changes

This post contains affiliate links - using affiliate links from HS Coffee Break helps fuel this blog. 

Usually on Fridays I share and link up a Five Minute Friday post, but that link-up is taking a holiday break for three weeks. Oddly, as it turns out, I discovered that I missed writing on three words way back in February when I did the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge. My theme was Coping With Change, and it also turns out those three words are perfect for the most recent changes in life that I've been coping with. Bonus words to write about for five minutes (or more) during the holidays.

********************

One word. Five minutes to write about it. This is the idea behind Five Minute Friday and this is today's free-writing post.

this is unexpected

an unexpected blessing

********************

Back in February, when I started the Write 28 Days challenge, my husband had just unexpectedly lost his job, and to our surprise he was able to find something else that allowed us to stay in our house and not move. An unexpected blessing! But once again, we faced an unexpected job loss at the end of September, and at that time, we did accept a new job offer that meant a move. And all of that was unexpected. A lot happened, and a lot changed, and all very quickly! A lot of change to cope with!

Often the most unexpected, unpredictable moments in life are the ones that leave the biggest impression and that teach us to roll with the punches. ~Natalya Neidhart

Although the suddenness presented a lot of challenges, in some ways I think it did make it easier for me as well. I didn't have time to mentally and emotionally prepare for it, so the feelings of grief and loss hit hard and sometimes at unexpected moments. But I also didn't have the dubious luxury of indulging in long pity parties or wallowing in my sorrow at moving away from my kids and friends and beloved home. We didn't have time to do a lot of planning and preparation for the logistics of the move either, so we've had to just complete moving tasks as we thought of them or as they came up. That has been unsettling and worrisome, but again, without time to overthink and second-guess everything, we've just gone ahead and got it done. It also forced me out of my default position of procrastinating on tasks that intimidated me.

If you so choose, even the unexpected setbacks can bring new and positive possibilities. If you so choose, you can find value and fulfillment in every circumstance. ~Ralph Marston

I won't sugarcoat it - I have cried more tears than I thought possible, because I am not a crier by nature. The feelings of loss and loneliness have been overwhelming at times. This has been HARD. But my family and my friends - and most importantly, my God - have been proven faithful and loving. Because I've learned to trust God, I've been trained to be willing to follow his leading and to look for the good he has for me. The unexpected blessings.

Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me. ~Carl Sandburg

Sometimes life drops blessings in your lap without your lifting a finger. Serendipity, they call it. ~Charlton Heston

 Most of us are celebrating Christmas this week, and thinking about how the Son of God entered the world as a baby. How unexpected! For his earthly parents, Mary and Joseph - what unexpected hardships and challenges, but what blessings and honor! The shepherds were given a very unexpected announcement from the angel, and their astonishment at finding everything just as the angel said must have been great. The wise men who traveled so far to find a new king must have been surprised to see the star stop over an ordinary house in which there was a humble young couple and their little child. How unexpected! 

God often doesn't do things the way we expect. But he always does things the way he has planned. It's unexpected to us, but never a surprise to him.

Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.

Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts.

Let them turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on them,

and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts;

neither are your ways my ways,"

declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven,

and do not return to it without watering the earth

and making it bud and flourish,

so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:

It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire

and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace;

the mountains and hills will burst into song before you,

and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,

and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.

This will be for the LORD's renown,

for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever."

~Isaiah 55:6-13~

Whatever unexpected challenges or blessings come your way this season, remember that you are in God's capable hands. Trust him to lead you through the challenges, and give him glory for the blessings.

********************

********************

For the recent Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge, I had decided to explore the theme of living well and with purpose during times of change. A few years ago, as I neared the end of my years as a homeschool mom, I realized my world would change when my youngest graduated. My roles in the homeschool community and in my social circles were affected. Things changed in the workplace. Things are ever changing at church. And as my children grew up and the nest has begun to empty, family dynamics are changing. To our surprise, my husband's job ended at the very beginning of 2022, which brought another round of changes to consider! (He started a new position in February, and moving was a change we did not have to deal with after all!) Fast forward to the fall of 2022, and the new job ended, and we did have to make a move and cope with a lot of changes! I know very well that writing about coping with change is not the same as having all the answers. I'll do my best to share what I'm learning and experiencing, and I'd love to hear from others in the comments. I didn't finish writing and posting everything at the tail end of the challenge, so I think maybe these last couple of prompts were serendipitously left for me to write about now, as I'm reflecting on the most recent changes I've had to cope with.

This post is part of the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge hosted by Anita Ojeda. Find all my posts for the 2022 challenge here: 28 Days of Coping With Change

Although not linked at Five Minute Friday due to the holiday break, this post more or less follows my usual Five Minute Friday format.

This post will be linked at Inspire Me Monday.

Don't miss a coffee break! Subscribe to HS Coffee Break by email 

 ©2006-2022 HS Coffee Break. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. http://kympossibleblog.blogspot.com/ 

 We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

A Peaceful Environment

This post contains affiliate links - using affiliate links from HS Coffee Break helps fuel this blog. 

Times of change are often accompanied by a changing or chaotic environment. If things are changing around us - jobs, moves, schools, friendships, and so many others - there are usually visible or physical signs of the changes around us. Coping well might mean managing our environment, or it might mean coping with the environment itself.

It's no secret that our environment affects our health, moods, and productivity. Even if you don't have a diagnosis of Seasonal Affective Disorder, you might notice that you tend to feel a little down or less alert and energetic on gloomy days or during the coldest parts of winter. The longer, warmer days of spring and the sight of greening plants makes most of us feel more optimistic and cheerful.

We can't control the weather or climate, but we do have control over our homes and workspaces. What if we could make changes to those environments that would help us feel more peaceful or energetic? 

A few years ago we all heard about tidying up Marie Kondo style, and were encouraged to bring peace and harmony to our homes by getting rid of all the things that didn't "spark joy". Many felt that this was a bit extreme (I read and reviewed the book here: Recent Reads - The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up), but one thing I learned and agreed with was this: having a clean and clutter-free environment did help me feel more calm! This leads me to wonder why I'm still having trouble getting rid of all the clutter in my home!

Here are some things I've been (slowly) working towards in changing my environment:

 Make rooms functional.

It's easier to get stuff done - whether in the kitchen or at my desk - when everything I need for the job is handy and in a place that makes sense. I've been in the process of moving my "office" into the basement room, but I don't want to put everything down there until the floors have been done. So in the meantime I've had to make frustrating extra trips up and down the stairs because the books or files I need are not all in one place. That's a change in process, and I know when that change is completed I will be so happy!

Make rooms beautiful.

If I had the funds and the time, or if I had some magical powers, I would just transform each room instantly into what I picture in my head. That would be nice, but honestly, I could start by just keeping things clean. Cleaner than what I usually do, anyway. I know from experience that when I walk into the kitchen for my morning cup of coffee and the table and counters are clear, my day is off to a good start. And yet I don't bother putting everything away after dinner, and leave clutter on the counter. Why, when I know better? There is a sense of satisfaction to having a crisply made bed, a tidy desk (I sort of remember that feeling), a freshly mopped floor, a beautifully set table. 

Beyond keeping things tidied up, we have the ability to appreciate beauty and to be inspired by beautiful things. For a couple of years now, I have made a point of having fresh flowers of some kind on my dining room sideboard. I usually watch for the simple fresh flower bouquets to go on sale, and for a couple of dollars I can have a pop of color and life in my dining room that makes me smile every time I look at it. Worth it. Family photos, artwork, mementos, or whatever makes you smile - that will help bring peace and beauty to your surroundings.

Take care of the environment.

I'm not one to get all emotional about environmental causes, but I believe we have been given a responsibility to steward the earth and the resources in it. Let's clean up after ourselves, not just in our homes, but outside as well. Some practical efforts to look after the natural world and manage resources will help ensure that there's beauty and resources for us to enjoy for generations to come. 

Include time outside to recharge and settle your soul during times of stress and change. Whether that's hiking, surfing, laying on a beach, running, or just sitting on the porch watching the sunset or the snow. 

For the recent Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge, I had decided to explore the theme of living well and with purpose during times of change. A few years ago, as I neared the end of my years as a homeschool mom, I realized my world would change when my youngest graduated. My roles in the homeschool community and in my social circles were affected. Things changed in the workplace. Things are ever changing at church. And as my children grew up and the nest has begun to empty, family dynamics are changing. To our surprise, my husband's job ended at the very beginning of 2022, which brought another round of changes to consider! (He started a new position in February, and moving was a change we did not have to deal with after all!) I know very well that writing about coping with change is not the same as having all the answers. I'll do my best to share what I'm learning and experiencing, and I'd love to hear from others in the comments. For a bunch of little reasons, I didn't finish writing and posting the last week or so of this series, so these last few are being published after the challenge period ended.

This post is part of the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge hosted by Anita Ojeda. Find all my posts for the 2022 challenge here: 28 Days of Coping With Change

 Don't miss a coffee break! Subscribe to HS Coffee Break by email 

 ©2006-2022 HS Coffee Break. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. http://kympossibleblog.blogspot.com/ 

 We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Created To Change The World

This post contains affiliate links - using affiliate links from HS Coffee Break helps fuel this blog. 

I wonder why we find change so difficult, when change is so necessary in our lives. Change is also part of the creative process, which was God's design for us. He created humans to be in relationship with him, and to participate in creation with him. He's got work for us to do!

The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it . . . Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. ~Genesis 2:15, 19

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

~Ephesians 2:10~

Change your attitude about your work. 

If the work you're doing was prepared in advance for you by God, it's meaningful. And it can be done to glorify him. We tend to think that certain careers - pastors, teachers, musicians, doctors, counselors - have bigger impacts on people, or change more lives. It's true that a pastor may be preaching to a larger audience every Sunday, and a nurse or doctor may be physically saving lives every shift, but that doesn't mean that the electricians and waitresses don't have an impact! No matter where you work, outside the home or inside the home, you have the potential to touch lives. And if you're doing something that God gave you the skills and knowledge and ability to do, you are glorifying him when you give it your best. See your work as a creative outlet, as working and taking care of the garden God created. A special word to at-home moms and homeschool moms: the work you do in raising and educating your children and creating a loving home environment is incredibly valuable! 

  Change your world!

The way you conduct yourself as you go about your work and your daily life should set you apart as a Christ-follower. Of course, this doesn't mean we are perfect! As Christians, we have bad days, we make mistakes, we are tempted, and we fail. And sometimes we have really bad days. But overall, we should be displaying the fruits of the Spirit, and when we do mess up we have the opportunity to make it right and respond in a way that shows we are different. Christ-followers should be known for integrity and trustworthiness, and for kind and honest dealings, whether we are employers, employees, customers, or clients.

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free. And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.

~Ephesians 6:5-9~

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

~Colossians 3:23-24~

Changing into someone more like Jesus.

This is the best and most creative work we can do - becoming more like Jesus each day! And it's really the Holy Spirit working in us! All the trials and difficulties and hard things we face can be used by God to shape us into better reflections of him. That's a change we should rejoice in!

These [trials] have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

~I Peter 1:7~

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

~II Peter 1:3~

This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus.

~I John 4:17~

What work has God created you to do? 

For the recent Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge, I had decided to explore the theme of living well and with purpose during times of change. A few years ago, as I neared the end of my years as a homeschool mom, I realized my world would change when my youngest graduated. My roles in the homeschool community and in my social circles were affected. Things changed in the workplace. Things are ever changing at church. And as my children grew up and the nest has begun to empty, family dynamics are changing. To our surprise, my husband's job ended at the very beginning of 2022, which brought another round of changes to consider! (He started a new position in February, and moving was a change we did not have to deal with after all!) I know very well that writing about coping with change is not the same as having all the answers. I'll do my best to share what I'm learning and experiencing, and I'd love to hear from others in the comments. For a bunch of little reasons, I didn't finish writing and posting the last week or so of this series, so these last few are being published after the challenge period ended.

This post is part of the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge hosted by Anita Ojeda. Find all my posts for the 2022 challenge here: 28 Days of Coping With Change

This post will be linked at Inspire Me Monday.

 Don't miss a coffee break! Subscribe to HS Coffee Break by email 

 ©2006-2022 HS Coffee Break. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. http://kympossibleblog.blogspot.com/ 

 We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Difficult Conversations

This post contains affiliate links - using affiliate links from HS Coffee Break helps fuel this blog. 

Nothing changes if nothing changes. ~Donna Barnes

Sometimes things need to change, which means people need to change. Or at least people need to change something they are thinking or doing. That can be uncomfortable. It's often even more uncomfortable if we have to talk about what needs to change. That sounds like confrontation, and few of us enjoy that. Bringing up a touchy subject and then even hinting that something must be done about it can be nerve-wracking for everyone.

Here's the problem: If we can't talk about something that needs to change, it probably won't change.

If there's a problem that needs to be addressed, but discussion is taboo, then the problem won't be addressed, and that in itself is a problem. How do we cope with that?

There are any number of problems that this could apply to, so obviously there's not a one-size-fits-all solution, but here are some questions to consider.

This needs to change and it's taboo. Is it important enough to talk about?

Quite honestly, sometimes it's not worth it. Just because it ticks you off doesn't necessarily mean it's something you need to tackle. If there's any question about whether it's something you should talk about, make sure you have a good answer to the question before charging in. Sometimes situations do resolve themselves or blow over. And sometimes the problem really isn't serious enough to do battle over.

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. ~James Baldwin

This needs to change and it's taboo. Is it my place to talk about it, or is it a job for someone else?

 It's not always up to you to speak up. Consider whether you're the best person to address the concern or if there's someone else better positioned or better able to have the conversation. If you decide someone else would handle it better, you may also need to decide whether you need to bring your concerns to that person or just let them do it on their own. Either way, if you're not the one directing that conversation, don't keep getting in the way or fretting about it. Sometimes easier said than done!

This needs to change and it's taboo.  How do I talk about it?

Clearly, it depends on what the situation is, but go into it thoughtfully and after having prayed about it. Prepare what you need to say - not necessarily a rehearsed statement, but practice how you'll word your concerns. Give the benefit of the doubt where possible. When confronting a negative behavior, start off with a genuine compliment or other positive statement, and end with something positive as well. It's often helpful to take the approach that it's a problem you want to work on together with the other person, rather than their fault. Have an optimistic attitude, projecting confidence that the problem can be solved. You may be able to diffuse the awkwardness of the conversation by admitting up front that it's awkward and might be hard to talk about!

Often a subject seems off limits because a boundary is being crossed. It's okay to have boundaries for what you'll allow, and you can protect them. Be clear about your expectations if you have to stop someone from stepping over your lines. 

If it's safe to do so, start by addressing the problem one on one with the other person. If that's not advisable, take a trusted neutral party along to be present. If the one-on-one conversation doesn't produce results, take some help along for the follow-up. If you're dealing with a church-related issue, or a conflict with a fellow Christ-follower, this is how the Bible tells us to address it. 

If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. ~Matthew 18:15-17

I mention it last, but really it's the first step and always applies. Pray about it! Pray about if you need to confront this taboo subject; pray about how you should address it; pray for wisdom and discernment in what to say. Coping with the uncomfortable conversations that lead to a needed change begins with prayer. 

As we all know, change is difficult. Changing our behavior is challenging and being confronted with a need to change is upsetting. Most people need to see the need to change on their own, and may need time to process it when they've been confronted. If you expect the other person to change, be as gracious, patient, and understanding as possible. And be aware that you may need to change too.

 People don't resist change. They resist being changed! ~Peter Senge

It is hard to find the courage to bring up a difficult subject and share some difficult truths about it. And it can be very frustrating to do that the best way you know, and then have it all blow up in your face. The other person refuses to give your concerns fair consideration, or gets angry with you for talking about it. Or worse - throws it back at you and accuses you of making trouble or butting into something that was none of your business. Ouch! How to cope with that? I've been there, and have had to question myself - did I do the right thing? Were my motives right? Did I overstep? When I've started with prayer and thought it through, usually I was not wrong. There may have been another factor I didn't know about, which may change my view a little bit. More often, if my words are not received, it's because the other person is not ready to hear or accept them, or willing to change. In that case, hopefully we can agree to disagree without hard feelings. If it's a case of someone violating my boundaries, they don't need to agree with me, but once they've been informed of those boundaries, they need to respect them. If they can't, then I will walk away. If the taboo subject is something in their life, then once I've said what I need to, what they do with it is up to them. You really can't force other people to change. 

How do you handle difficult conversations about change?

For the recent Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge, I had decided to explore the theme of living well and with purpose during times of change. A few years ago, as I neared the end of my years as a homeschool mom, I realized my world would change when my youngest graduated. My roles in the homeschool community and in my social circles were affected. Things changed in the workplace. Things are ever changing at church. And as my children grew up and the nest has begun to empty, family dynamics are changing. To our surprise, my husband's job ended at the very beginning of 2022, which brought another round of changes to consider! (He started a new position in February, and moving was a change we did not have to deal with after all!) I know very well that writing about coping with change is not the same as having all the answers. I'll do my best to share what I'm learning and experiencing, and I'd love to hear from others in the comments. For a bunch of little reasons, I didn't finish writing and posting the last week or so of this series, so these last few are being published after the challenge period ended.

***************

This post is part of the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge hosted by Anita Ojeda. Find all my posts for the 2022 challenge here: 28 Days of Coping With Change

 Don't miss a coffee break! Subscribe to HS Coffee Break by email 

 ©2006-2022 HS Coffee Break. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. http://kympossibleblog.blogspot.com/ 

 We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Changing With The Seasons

This post contains affiliate links - using affiliate links from HS Coffee Break helps fuel this blog.

I've been dragging my feet about finishing up this Coping With Change series, and I'm not sure why. It's not just this series, it's writing in general, and just about everything on my to-do list! Lack of energy or motivation lately, and maybe it's just the winter blahs. I've also been watching for signs of spring and how I hope that will wake me up from these doldrums. The weather is starting to warm up a bit, the crocuses are starting to bloom, and we just had to 'Spring Forward' and all these thoughts about the change of seasons reminded me that I should write something about change. So here I am. 

It seems there are seasons to parenting. An overarching seasonal development as children move from infancy through the growing up years until eventually they leave home as adults. And although their leaving home might feel as cold and bleak as a bare tree in winter sometimes, it is also the beginning of a new cycle in a sense.

I think there are also seasons during the various stages of parenting, on a smaller scale. At different stages of development, kids prepare for next steps and start out with something new, then flourish and thrive with the new skills or maturity, and perhaps new freedoms or independence that they earn. But a letting go time follows that independence, as parents must step back and let kids be on their own. This can definitely feel like an autumn or even wintery season. During some winter seasons in the cycle, there's a period of quiet and rest where not much seems to be happening, but that rest may be necessary for the next round of learning and blossoming.

Let us acknowledge the LORD;

let us press on to acknowledge him.

As surely as the sun rises,

he will appear;

he will come to us like the winter rains,

like the spring rains that water the earth.

~Hosea 6:3~

Looking back, I can see many times when one of my kids had hit their stride in whatever new thing they were learning, or in finding out something about their purpose and what made them unique. Exciting times, to be sure! A five-year-old learns to read; a middle schooler falls in love with a sport or hobby that brings out their best; a high schooler makes decisions about a college or career path that is the perfect fit. And a young adult makes a choice of mate and sets out on their own. Times of great growth for them and for me as a parent. I'm not much of a gardener, but it's not unlike the pleasure of seeing the trees bud and the tulips come up and the roses bloom. I may have tended the garden, but the growth is not really my doing.

But the next stages often held some bittersweet. Once my little one could read on their own, that meant a little less time spent on my lap requesting stories. When that young teen was delighting in music lessons or playing on a sports team or creating art, nurturing the interest and talent meant my time and money was being stretched. When the older teen started pursuing their goals and dreams, that also cost time and money, and inevitably would take them off on their own. Rather like the bold colors and crisp air of autumn. Exhilarating and beautiful, but a reminder that the season will soon change, and those leaves will drop. It's a time to do a bit of cleaning, prepare and protect for the next season.

Be glad, people of Zion,

rejoice in the LORD your God,

for he has given you the autumn rains

because he is faithful.

He sends you abundant showers,

both autumn and spring rains, as before.

~Joel 2:23~

The winter seasons are harder to define. And less predictable than weather cycles. But no matter how good and healthy the family dynamic, there are times when kids and young adults need their space and the atmosphere can feel chilly. Or it may seem as if nothing is growing and changing, but bare and dormant. Be patient and wise. Sometimes that frosty layer is protecting the growth happening underneath, and it will surprise you just like the crocuses and daffodils that seem to burst out overnight in the springtime. Keep the walkways cleared of snow so communication can continue, and wait on the Lord's timing.

Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near.

~James 5:7-8~

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

~Galatians 6:9~

***************

See my related posts: Empty Nesting and Changing The Mama Bear Mindset

   

Let Cubs Grow Up - As the fictional Queen Elinor found out the hard way, our kids do not want or need us to control their every move and dictate all their choices. They must be allowed to grow and mature and take responsibility for themselves. And Mama, you need to gradually and gracefully let them go. This is perhaps the hardest work a mother has to do, but it's essential if a child is to become a fully functional adult, and parents that cheer and encourage will make that process much smoother than parents that cling and control. 

For the recent Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge, I had decided to explore the theme of living well and with purpose during times of change. A few years ago, as I neared the end of my years as a homeschool mom, I realized my world would change when my youngest graduated. My roles in the homeschool community and in my social circles were affected. Things changed in the workplace. Things are ever changing at church. And as my children grew up and the nest has begun to empty, family dynamics are changing. To our surprise, my husband's job ended at the very beginning of 2022, which brought another round of changes to consider! (He started a new position in February, and moving was a change we did not have to deal with after all!) I know very well that writing about coping with change is not the same as having all the answers. I'll do my best to share what I'm learning and experiencing, and I'd love to hear from others in the comments. For a bunch of little reasons, I didn't finish writing and posting the last week or so of this series, so these last few are being published after the challenge period ended.

This post is part of the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge hosted by Anita Ojeda. Find all my posts for the 2022 challenge here: 28 Days of Coping With Change

 Don't miss a coffee break! Subscribe to HS Coffee Break by email 

 ©2006-2022 HS Coffee Break. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. http://kympossibleblog.blogspot.com/ 

 We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.