Empty Nesting

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The years I spent mothering my children are bookended by nesting. And by changes.

We often refer to that preparation for a new baby as the nesting instinct. A compulsion to put the home in order to be ready for the arrival of a newborn. It's usually sweet and exciting to see first time moms become super focused on decorating the nursery and carefully organizing all the baby things, and then get that burst of energy to clean and spiff up the house. Since I've never been much of a Suzy Homemaker, I remember joking that I wished I'd get that nesting urge because I needed some extra motivation to get housework done. Unfortunately, I didn't have a super strong nesting instinct that I remember, but I sure did my best to prepare for the changes to my household when we added to the family.

(Okay, when I was expecting my youngest, we were selling our house, and I attribute my obsession with washing walls to nesting. In fact, I was so determined to get all the walls in one of the bathrooms washed that I finished the job despite the contractions that had started, and then inexplicably insisted on going grocery shopping before I could settle down for the actual delivery.)

Nesting is fun and exciting, and anticipates the joyful arrival of a new family member.

But empty nesting has a very different vibe and a lot of mixed emotions.

The empty nest means we've done our job and have successfully launched adults into the world. We managed to raise them and educate them well enough that they are ready to fly off and establish their own homes. What joy and pride my husband and I feel as we see our babies all grown up and thriving! But at the same time . . . they are our babies, after all, no matter how tall they are. As a mom, I miss them when they move away, even though I'm glad it's not my job to make them dinner every night. I'm not a worrier by nature, but I do feel that little twinge of anxiety when my daughter (who is a university student living at home) has to drive home by herself late at night. Even though I know she's perfectly capable and a very responsible driver. There's part of me that can't envision a world in which I don't see her every day, even while I dream about all the wonderful things in her future. 

Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter. ~Melissa Marr

I think the changes that accompany the emptying nest are different from one mom to the next, and I've observed (and experienced) that the transition holds extra challenges for homeschooling moms. I've spent nearly thirty years as a mom, most of them as a homeschooler. (There's at least one whole article about coping with those changes on its own!) How does one cope with the changes of empty nesting? 

Your child's life will be filled with fresh experiences. It's good if yours is as well. ~Dr. Margaret Rutherford

Parenting adult children is a different skill set from parenting teens or young children or babies. That's obvious, but we moms need to remind ourselves of it. My adult children do not need me to help them with much of anything. They don't need me to make decisions for them or to give them permission to do things. I need to stick to encouraging and supportive, and just be available when they want to talk. Something amazing happens - the relationship dynamic changes, shifting even more towards friendship. What a sweet reward.

My nest may be emptying, but my heart is still full.

If your nest is emptying, or will be emptying soon, I encourage you to prepare your heart for those changes by acknowledging that there are both positive and negative emotions involved. You may feel loss, loneliness, regret, and even grief. And if you feel relief and a sense of freedom, you might even feel guilty for that! It's a new adventure for you and for your grown children. I found a book several years ago that was helpful to me as I thought ahead and that I've picked up many times since. It's on my stack to re-read soon, and I recommend it to any mom in this transition time. You can check out my review of Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest by Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates on my book blog, Just A Second.

See my related post (from many years ago, long before my empty nest, but it discussed the changing parenting roles): T is for . . . Teenagers

How has your role as a parent changed over the years? Were you prepared or surprised by the changes?

For the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge, I've decided to explore the theme of living well and with purpose during times of change. A few years ago, as I neared the end of my years as a homeschool mom, I realized my world would change when my youngest graduated. My roles in the homeschool community and in my social circles were affected. Things changed in the workplace. Things are ever changing at church. And as my children grew up and the nest has begun to empty, family dynamics are changing. To our surprise, my husband's job ended at the very beginning of 2022, and that has brought another round of changes to consider! I know very well that writing about coping with change is not the same as having all the answers. I'll do my best to share what I'm learning and experiencing, and I'd love to hear from others in the comments.

This post is part of the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge hosted by Anita Ojeda. Find all my posts for the 2022 challenge here: 28 Days of Coping With Change

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