From the High School Lesson Book - Happy Father's Day!

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Father's Day is hopefully a time when the culture says, "This is our moment to look at who our men and boys are." ~Michael Gurian

Tomorrow is Father's Day in the United States and Canada, and as we celebrate dads, here's a little history about this day.

Father's Day in the western world is relatively new, and wasn't established until well after Mother's Day. I was surprised to find that the first officially proclaimed Father's Day in the US was in the 1960s and it wasn't until the '70s that an annual day was signed into law. 

There are a couple of claims to the first Father's Day celebration, but it's generally agreed that the distinction goes to Fairmont, West Virginia. Grace Golden Clayton suggested it for a memorial service for 362 men that had been killed in a mining explosion in the nearby town of Monangha. The service was held at Williams Memorial Methodist Episcopalian Church South on July 5, 1908.

An alternative "first" claim is a celebration held in 1915, suggested by the president of the Lions' Club in Chicago, Harry Meek.

Another important pioneer of the day was Mrs. Sonora Smart Dodd. Inspired by a Mother's Day service, she wanted to honor the memory of her father, William Jackson Smart. He was a Civil War veteran who had raised six children on his own after his wife died in childbirth. She'd originally suggested June 5th for the service, that being the anniversary of her father's death. However, because organizers wanted more time to prepare, the service was actually held on June 19, 1910 in Spokane, Washington. Mrs. Dodd delivered gifts to handicapped fathers, boys from the YMCA wore roses in their lapels―red roses if their fathers were still living, and white roses if their fathers had passed away―and the ministers in the city preached sermons about fatherhood.

During the 1920s and 1930s, Mother's Day was already established and while there was some interest in a Father's Day as well, there was also a movement to get rid of both days in favor of having Parents Day. Fathers were generally not on board with having their own day anyway, seeing it as sentimental and rather unnecessary. During the Great Depression, however, retailers saw the opportunity to encourage gift purchases for fathers, and promoted gifts of neckties, hats, socks, pipes and tobacco, and even sporting equipment that men were less likely to purchase for themselves when money was tight. During the 1940s, Father's Day was used to honor the men who were serving in the Armed Forces overseas. 

President Calvin Coolidge had recommended Father's Day as a national holiday in 1924, but it wasn't until 1966 that it was proclaimed as an official national holiday by President Lyndon Johnson. In 1972 President Richard Nixon signed into law the permanent Father's Day as the third Sunday in June.

Nowadays, the Father's Day weekend is a time to celebrate what Dad likes to do and to focus on the important roles dads play in kids' lives. In the 1920s and 1930s, when fathers weren't generally in favor of having their own day, the family dynamics were different. At that time, men were primarily the providers for the family, working long days away from the home, and women were usually at home doing all the hands-on work of raising the children. In today's families, modern roles are more of a partnership with moms and dads sharing in the responsibilities of caring for children. 

My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland

I heard recently that a majority of people say that of their family members, dads are the hardest to buy gifts for. And probably fewer men need the traditional gift of a tie on Father's Day too! Restaurant gift cards, dinner out, a sporting event, and apparel from a favorite sports team are popular gifts. I was also interested to hear that books are popular gifts for dads as well. Overall, Americans spend about one billion dollars of Father's Day gifts annually. About half of all Father's Day cards are purchased by sons and daughters, and about 20 percent are purchased by women to give to their husbands. The rest of the cards purchased are for grandfathers, uncles, brothers, sons, and 'father figures'. 

The power of a dad in a child's life is unmatched. ~Justin Ricklefs

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: He believed in me. ~Jim Valvano

What about Father's Day celebrations in other parts of the world? In Spain, Portugal, Italy, and many Latin American countries―which are predominantly Catholic―Father's Day is on March 19th. This is the Feast of St. Joseph who is the patron saint of fathers. In Germany, Father's Day is recognized on the same date as Ascension Day. In Scandinavian countries, the day had been celebrated in the 1930s, but in 1949 it was decided that Father's Day should be moved to the second Sunday in November. The idea was to have it halfway through the year from Mother's Day and also to boost the retail economy during a traditionally slow period. Denmark didn't publicize the change, though, so they continued honoring fathers in June. And in Australia, New Zealand, and Fiji, Father's Day is on the first Sunday in September.

The importance and value of a loving and godly dad or father figure really can't be overstated. To a certain extent, our concept of God is shaped by our concept of a father, and the Scriptures present God as our Heavenly Father. In the prayer model he gave the disciples, and in his parables and teachings, Jesus consistently showed that God was a loving Father who cared for and provided for his children, and who disciplined and corrected them in both justice and mercy. In today's world, with so many broken families and so much confusion and controversy surrounding the meaning of masculinity and the roles of men, perhaps it's more important than ever that we honor and respect the men that are doing their best to follow the example of God in leading their families. 

And you saw in the wilderness how the LORD your God carried you as a man carries his son all along the way you traveled until you reached this place. 

~Deuteronomy 1:31~

As a father has compassion on his children,

so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.

~Psalm 103:13~

Give a sincere thank you to our fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers, and sons who give so much of themselves to love, guide, protect, and provide for their families. Pray for them and for families.

He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers.

~Malachi 4:6~

This post will be linked at the Sweet Tea & Friends Monthly Link-up Party hosted by Grace-Filled Moments

Sources for this article include: Almanac, History.com, OfficeHolidays.com, Readers Digest

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From the High School Lesson Book - Happy Mother's Day

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Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing. ~Ricki Lake

I'm one of the lucky moms that gets to be with my kids this weekend―the Maryland kids anyway―so it's a good day for me! We are in Maryland for the weekend to celebrate our daughter's graduation from Mount St. Mary's University, and we had our Mother's Day dinner out on Friday evening. We're heading home sometime after church on Sunday, but will probably get back too late to see my Ohio family. I sent a card and letter to my Mom that I hoped would arrive on time, but I'm not counting on it. Sometimes it takes three days for my mail to reach its destination in Canada and other times it will take three weeks. But either way I'll call.

For some, Mother's Day is not a good day for various reasons. If it brings to mind pain or sorrow for you, I pray that you will find healing and peace.

Mother's Day 2021

Mother's Day 2019

Some form of Mother's Day is celebrated around the world, in more than fifty countries. The second Sunday in May is the "big day" in the United States, Canada, Australia, and many European countries. United Kingdom and Ireland celebrate in March, and Mexico and El Salvador celebrate on May 10th (so their "big day" was yesterday). France and Sweden celebrate later in May. Argentina celebrates in October, and Russia in November. 

Setting aside a day to honor mothers goes way back in history and at least a couple of very early traditions are related to religious practice. The ancient Greeks had a festival to honor the goddess Rhea, whom they believed was the mother of the gods. Early Christians honored Mary, the mother of Jesus, on a specific day during the Lent season. And the earliest version of Mother's Day in the United Kingdom was actually a Sunday during Lent on which everyone was supposed to attend their mother church. 

If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. ~Robert Brault

There are three suggested narratives for how our modern Mother's Day came about. In 1872, Julia Ward Howe, the writer of Battle Hymn of the Republic, pushed for a day dedicated to peace that would honor mothers. Another origin story involves Mrs. Juliet Calhoun Blakeley, who stepped into the pulpit when her pastor son left abruptly and called upon other mothers to join her. This was on the second Sunday of May in 1877. Her two sons made a practice of returning to their hometown to honour her and encouraged others to set aside the second Sunday of May to honour their mothers.

I am sure that if the mothers of various nations could meet, there would be no more wars. ~E.M. Forster

The story most of us have heard is about Anna Jarvis who began the movement to a national Mother's Day in 1907. She wanted a day to honour all mothers, living and dead, and felt this would help in bringing the country back together during the ongoing healing process following the War Between the States. In a church service on the second Sunday of May, she handed out her mother's favorite flowers, white carnations. She and her supporters wrote letters to clergy, businessmen, and politicians, and the movement and practice spread to most of the states by 1911. President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed the second Sunday of May in 1914 a national holiday in honour of mothers. 

Since President Wilson's proclamation, Mother's Day has continuously grown in popularity and is now a huge occasion for giving gifts and cards, and it's been said that Anna Jarvis was angry at how quickly the day became commercialized. 

The National Restaurant Association says it's the most popular day of the year to dine out in the U.S. with about 62 percent of Americans going to a restaurant. (This is why my family chooses a different day other than Sunday to go out!) 

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. ~Erma Bombeck

It's the third largest card-sending holiday, with an estimated 150 million cards exchanged each year, according to the Greeting Card Association. And about 65 percent of card sales happen in the week leading up to Mother's Day!

Mother's Day is the busiest phone day of the year, with over 120 million calls placed. (Remember when the volume of calls slowed everything down and your call might not go through because everyone else was also phoning home? I sure do.)

There are more internet searches for 'flowers' leading up to Mother's Day than leading up to Valentine's Day. (Personally, I suspect this is because more people need to send flowers, while Valentine's flowers are more often given in person.)  One Mother's Day tradition is wearing a carnation. A colored carnation if your mother is still living, and a white carnation if she has passed away.

Mother's Day is the third largest retail holiday, according to the National Retail Federation. This year it's estimated that American consumers will spend over 21 billion dollars overall on Mother's Day. Wow!!

Everyone wants to save the world, but no one wants to help mom do the dishes. ~P.J. O'Rourke

When I was growing up, our church often opened up a time for anyone attending to say a few words about their mother. Of course there were many very heart-felt and moving statements of love and gratitude for moms, but there were always at least a few people who seemed overly sentimental and I had the impression it was a rehearsed speech so a box could be checked off. Annual obligatory statement about mother? Check. I always thought, and still do, that while it's absolutely wonderful to shower mothers with gifts and special treatment on this one day, but if that's the only day you call your mom or treat her right, you're doing it wrong. If you love your mom, you shouldn't need a Hallmark holiday or a big restaurant promotion to remind you to express your devotion.

Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose, but women who have been dealt a hand for life and play each card one at a time the best way they know how. ~Erma Bombeck

While all old people have been young, no young people have been old, and this troubling fact engenders the frustration of all parents and elders, which is that while you can describe your experience, you cannot confer it. ~Andrew Solomon

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple. With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me. ~Jenny Joseph

No purple hats but we're wearing red! My sister
and me with our daughters.

The experience of motherhood sure changes as you get older, doesn't it? I guess that's a question for moms who have been at it for quite a few years. The things that were once a big deal might not be so any more, and sometimes things that seemed trivial earlier take on new meaning. With a first baby, many of us are meticulous about recording every milestone, no matter how tiny. But there are plenty of jokes about how third, fourth, or fifth children don't even have a baby book to record their early years. I was kind of like that, starting a baby book with high hopes for each of my children, but just finding it hard to write everything down. But like most moms I know, I have lots of memories of my babies. Sometimes I just need something to jog that memory out of the mental filing cabinet. I do wish I'd written more down, of course. But I think it's safe to say that moms can keep memories in their hearts, where they mean the most, even if the dates and specific details get lost over the years. 

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; a mother's secret hope outlives them all. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life. ~Sophocles

I think that's what Mary was doing. Storing away all the precious memories of her experience of her very unusual pregnancy, Jesus' birth story and his childhood, and all the prophecies and teachings that she had to ponder and fit everything together.

Then he [Jesus, at about twelve years old] went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.

~Luke 2:51~

And though her son was God himself, she and Joseph were obedient in raising him right and in the faith. What an example of a good mother! Timothy's mother and grandmother were heroes of faith as well, and examples to me.

I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.

~II Timothy 1:5~

Wishing a very happy Mother's Day to all the homeschool moms out there! 

Sooner or later we all start quoting our mothers. ~Anonymous

This post is adapted from WQ - Happy Mother's Day!, which appeared on A Fresh Cup of Coffee in May 2023.

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Changing With The Seasons

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I've been dragging my feet about finishing up this Coping With Change series, and I'm not sure why. It's not just this series, it's writing in general, and just about everything on my to-do list! Lack of energy or motivation lately, and maybe it's just the winter blahs. I've also been watching for signs of spring and how I hope that will wake me up from these doldrums. The weather is starting to warm up a bit, the crocuses are starting to bloom, and we just had to 'Spring Forward' and all these thoughts about the change of seasons reminded me that I should write something about change. So here I am. 

It seems there are seasons to parenting. An overarching seasonal development as children move from infancy through the growing up years until eventually they leave home as adults. And although their leaving home might feel as cold and bleak as a bare tree in winter sometimes, it is also the beginning of a new cycle in a sense.

I think there are also seasons during the various stages of parenting, on a smaller scale. At different stages of development, kids prepare for next steps and start out with something new, then flourish and thrive with the new skills or maturity, and perhaps new freedoms or independence that they earn. But a letting go time follows that independence, as parents must step back and let kids be on their own. This can definitely feel like an autumn or even wintery season. During some winter seasons in the cycle, there's a period of quiet and rest where not much seems to be happening, but that rest may be necessary for the next round of learning and blossoming.

Let us acknowledge the LORD;

let us press on to acknowledge him.

As surely as the sun rises,

he will appear;

he will come to us like the winter rains,

like the spring rains that water the earth.

~Hosea 6:3~

Looking back, I can see many times when one of my kids had hit their stride in whatever new thing they were learning, or in finding out something about their purpose and what made them unique. Exciting times, to be sure! A five-year-old learns to read; a middle schooler falls in love with a sport or hobby that brings out their best; a high schooler makes decisions about a college or career path that is the perfect fit. And a young adult makes a choice of mate and sets out on their own. Times of great growth for them and for me as a parent. I'm not much of a gardener, but it's not unlike the pleasure of seeing the trees bud and the tulips come up and the roses bloom. I may have tended the garden, but the growth is not really my doing.

But the next stages often held some bittersweet. Once my little one could read on their own, that meant a little less time spent on my lap requesting stories. When that young teen was delighting in music lessons or playing on a sports team or creating art, nurturing the interest and talent meant my time and money was being stretched. When the older teen started pursuing their goals and dreams, that also cost time and money, and inevitably would take them off on their own. Rather like the bold colors and crisp air of autumn. Exhilarating and beautiful, but a reminder that the season will soon change, and those leaves will drop. It's a time to do a bit of cleaning, prepare and protect for the next season.

Be glad, people of Zion,

rejoice in the LORD your God,

for he has given you the autumn rains

because he is faithful.

He sends you abundant showers,

both autumn and spring rains, as before.

~Joel 2:23~

The winter seasons are harder to define. And less predictable than weather cycles. But no matter how good and healthy the family dynamic, there are times when kids and young adults need their space and the atmosphere can feel chilly. Or it may seem as if nothing is growing and changing, but bare and dormant. Be patient and wise. Sometimes that frosty layer is protecting the growth happening underneath, and it will surprise you just like the crocuses and daffodils that seem to burst out overnight in the springtime. Keep the walkways cleared of snow so communication can continue, and wait on the Lord's timing.

Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near.

~James 5:7-8~

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

~Galatians 6:9~

***************

See my related posts: Empty Nesting and Changing The Mama Bear Mindset

   

Let Cubs Grow Up - As the fictional Queen Elinor found out the hard way, our kids do not want or need us to control their every move and dictate all their choices. They must be allowed to grow and mature and take responsibility for themselves. And Mama, you need to gradually and gracefully let them go. This is perhaps the hardest work a mother has to do, but it's essential if a child is to become a fully functional adult, and parents that cheer and encourage will make that process much smoother than parents that cling and control. 

For the recent Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge, I had decided to explore the theme of living well and with purpose during times of change. A few years ago, as I neared the end of my years as a homeschool mom, I realized my world would change when my youngest graduated. My roles in the homeschool community and in my social circles were affected. Things changed in the workplace. Things are ever changing at church. And as my children grew up and the nest has begun to empty, family dynamics are changing. To our surprise, my husband's job ended at the very beginning of 2022, which brought another round of changes to consider! (He started a new position in February, and moving was a change we did not have to deal with after all!) I know very well that writing about coping with change is not the same as having all the answers. I'll do my best to share what I'm learning and experiencing, and I'd love to hear from others in the comments. For a bunch of little reasons, I didn't finish writing and posting the last week or so of this series, so these last few are being published after the challenge period ended.

This post is part of the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge hosted by Anita Ojeda. Find all my posts for the 2022 challenge here: 28 Days of Coping With Change

 Don't miss a coffee break! Subscribe to HS Coffee Break by email 

 ©2006-2022 HS Coffee Break. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. http://kympossibleblog.blogspot.com/ 

 We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

 

Changing the Mama Bear Mindset

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Today's moms, especially moms of young children, often wear the Mama Bear title very proudly. Most of the time, that's an apt comparison and a good thing. Mothers will protect and defend their babies fiercely and against the odds, and that seems to be an instinct God has put into us, and into many animals. Our young children are vulnerable and need our protection.

Even though bear cubs are born during the winter - a season of hibernation - the mother bear responds to every cry of her cubs and cares for their needs. The mother decides when they are ready to leave the den in spring, and supervises as the cubs play and practice climbing. In fact, the first place mama takes the cubs is usually a tree, carefully chosen, where they can quickly climb out of danger. That's where the little family will stay while mama forages nearby. She will come running immediately if her cubs cry out in distress. As the cubs grow, mama takes them with her and shows them where to find food, and later on has them participate in denning for another winter. The mother bear's vocalizations in various situations teach her cubs how to respond, and she disciplines too. She also plays with the cubs! But when the cubs are old enough, the mother bear may drive them away if they don't move out on their own. (Bear facts from the North American Bear Center)

Like the mother bear, we are often willing to limit our own comings and goings in order to care for our little ones. We look after our babies and make sure they are safe. We supervise our toddlers as they play, and are available at a moment's notice when we sense a threat or when our kids call with a need. We play with our kids and have fun as a family. We should be disciplining behavior and having them participate in running the household. We should be teaching our kids how to function on their own - all the practical life skills they need as well as how to have good relationships and especially how to walk with the Lord. Hopefully our kids will transition into adulthood without us needing to kick them out, and unlike the bears, hopefully we will maintain warm and loving family relationships once they do move out on their own.

Unfortunately, some parents get stuck in the first half of the Mama Bear model. Hovering over children and attacking anyone or anything that might present even the tiniest threat or discomfort to the little darlings. Sheltering children from any bumps and bruises or negative consequences. Sometimes so busy protecting them from little hurts that they never learn to cope with disappointment or failure; and sometimes even failing to identify the real threats. 

That controlling and over-protective approach can backfire. Remember the movie Brave? Queen Elinor's intentions were to discipline and protect her daughter, but young Merida misunderstood and felt that her mother was controlling and overbearing, and didn't listen. Of course Merida was wrong in trying to use a spell on her mother, and both were at fault for the rift in their relationship, but what a picture of how Mama Bear left unchecked could turn into a monster.

Princess Merida: [after Queen Elinor unexpectedly turns into a bear] Mum? You're... You're a BEAR! Why a bear? OH! That scaffy witch gave me a gammy spell!

[Bear Elinor glares at her, demanding to know what she meant]

Princess Merida: It's not my fault. I didn't ask her to change you into a bear! I just wanted her to change...

[guilty]

Princess Merida: YOU.

Princess Merida: Mum, is that you? Mum? You changed. Like you were a... I mean, like you were a bear on the inside.

How can we keep Mama Bear in check?

Defend and Discipline in Balance - Of course we need to protect and defend our children, and we should. The instinct to keep our children out of dangerous situations is what compels us to provide safe play spaces for little ones, be choosy about the caregivers and environments our children are in, and to demand information about where our teens are going and who they will be with. If someone or something poses a threat to a child, we should be there to say, "NO. Not today." We should be fierce in protecting children from any and all abuse. We also need to defend when children are being treated unfairly or unable to defend themselves. But we also need to teach our children how to correctly defend themselves and stand up for others; and we need to teach them how to behave properly and hold them accountable appropriately when they are in the wrong. Yes, your child will be in the wrong sometimes. If you don't believe your child is capable of being the bully, think again. If you think your child would "NEVER" cheat or lie or be disrespectful, think again. Check into the matter fairly and if you find that your child was in the wrong, hold your child accountable, teach them to do better next time, and have them make it right.

Correctly Assess Risks and Threats -  In order to protect our kids, we need to be discerning in what to protect them from. First, we cannot and should not keep them from all possible risks. We seem to know this instinctively when a baby is learning to walk. We've got to let go of her hand even if she wobbles, because that's how she learns to keep her balance. She'll take some tumbles, but she'll also learn to land safely and how to get up again. We've all noticed that babies and toddlers figure out how to react based on their parent's reaction. If Mama fusses and frets, Cub cries even if he's not hurt. If Mama remains calm and makes light of the situation, Cub recovers quickly and gets back on his feet. Parents, we need to do the same as kids grow up and face other inevitable challenges. We cannot freak out every time or kids will learn that we believe they are fragile and every negative experience calls for drama and panic. Let kids experience the consequences of their choices so they learn that their choices have consequences. On the other hand, when there is a genuine threat, we'd better tackle it with all the seriousness and tenacity that it deserves. Your child's phone and internet use exposes them to real and present danger - are you aware of what they're doing online? Are you teaching them internet safety? Take it seriously, because it's a genuine threat. Your child's entertainment choices may expose them to images and thought patterns that are harmful and damaging - do you know what they are watching? do you know what they are listening to? Are you teaching them discernment? What about the world's influence on your child? What is being taught at school? What is being stifled at school? If your kids are in a government school, they ARE being taught from a worldly and anti-God perspective. What are doing to protect them from that influence? Dropping them off at church for an hour a week probably isn't enough. Don't miss the threats to your child's mind and heart!

Let Cubs Grow Up - As the fictional Queen Elinor found out the hard way, our kids do not want or need us to control their every move and dictate all their choices. They must be allowed to grow and mature and take responsibility for themselves. And Mama, you need to gradually and gracefully let them go. This is perhaps the hardest work a mother has to do, but it's essential if a child is to become a fully functional adult, and parents that cheer and encourage will make that process much smoother than parents that cling and control. 

Let your inner Mama Bear change and grow as your child does. Where are you in that process?

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ~I Corinthians 13:6-7~

Or, as the NKJV puts it:

[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

For the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge, I've decided to explore the theme of living well and with purpose during times of change. A few years ago, as I neared the end of my years as a homeschool mom, I realized my world would change when my youngest graduated. My roles in the homeschool community and in my social circles were affected. Things changed in the workplace. Things are ever changing at church. And as my children grew up and the nest has begun to empty, family dynamics are changing. To our surprise, my husband's job ended at the very beginning of 2022, and that has brought another round of changes to consider! I know very well that writing about coping with change is not the same as having all the answers. I'll do my best to share what I'm learning and experiencing, and I'd love to hear from others in the comments.

This post is part of the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge hosted by Anita Ojeda. Find all my posts for the 2022 challenge here: 28 Days of Coping With Change

(Yes, I'm a full day behind in the prompts. I'm hoping to catch up soon!)

This post will be linked at Inspire Me Monday.

 Don't miss a coffee break! Subscribe to HS Coffee Break by email 

 ©2006-2022 HS Coffee Break. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. http://kympossibleblog.blogspot.com/ 

 We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Empty Nesting

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The years I spent mothering my children are bookended by nesting. And by changes.

We often refer to that preparation for a new baby as the nesting instinct. A compulsion to put the home in order to be ready for the arrival of a newborn. It's usually sweet and exciting to see first time moms become super focused on decorating the nursery and carefully organizing all the baby things, and then get that burst of energy to clean and spiff up the house. Since I've never been much of a Suzy Homemaker, I remember joking that I wished I'd get that nesting urge because I needed some extra motivation to get housework done. Unfortunately, I didn't have a super strong nesting instinct that I remember, but I sure did my best to prepare for the changes to my household when we added to the family.

(Okay, when I was expecting my youngest, we were selling our house, and I attribute my obsession with washing walls to nesting. In fact, I was so determined to get all the walls in one of the bathrooms washed that I finished the job despite the contractions that had started, and then inexplicably insisted on going grocery shopping before I could settle down for the actual delivery.)

Nesting is fun and exciting, and anticipates the joyful arrival of a new family member.

But empty nesting has a very different vibe and a lot of mixed emotions.

The empty nest means we've done our job and have successfully launched adults into the world. We managed to raise them and educate them well enough that they are ready to fly off and establish their own homes. What joy and pride my husband and I feel as we see our babies all grown up and thriving! But at the same time . . . they are our babies, after all, no matter how tall they are. As a mom, I miss them when they move away, even though I'm glad it's not my job to make them dinner every night. I'm not a worrier by nature, but I do feel that little twinge of anxiety when my daughter (who is a university student living at home) has to drive home by herself late at night. Even though I know she's perfectly capable and a very responsible driver. There's part of me that can't envision a world in which I don't see her every day, even while I dream about all the wonderful things in her future. 

Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter. ~Melissa Marr

I think the changes that accompany the emptying nest are different from one mom to the next, and I've observed (and experienced) that the transition holds extra challenges for homeschooling moms. I've spent nearly thirty years as a mom, most of them as a homeschooler. (There's at least one whole article about coping with those changes on its own!) How does one cope with the changes of empty nesting? 

Your child's life will be filled with fresh experiences. It's good if yours is as well. ~Dr. Margaret Rutherford

Parenting adult children is a different skill set from parenting teens or young children or babies. That's obvious, but we moms need to remind ourselves of it. My adult children do not need me to help them with much of anything. They don't need me to make decisions for them or to give them permission to do things. I need to stick to encouraging and supportive, and just be available when they want to talk. Something amazing happens - the relationship dynamic changes, shifting even more towards friendship. What a sweet reward.

My nest may be emptying, but my heart is still full.

If your nest is emptying, or will be emptying soon, I encourage you to prepare your heart for those changes by acknowledging that there are both positive and negative emotions involved. You may feel loss, loneliness, regret, and even grief. And if you feel relief and a sense of freedom, you might even feel guilty for that! It's a new adventure for you and for your grown children. I found a book several years ago that was helpful to me as I thought ahead and that I've picked up many times since. It's on my stack to re-read soon, and I recommend it to any mom in this transition time. You can check out my review of Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest by Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates on my book blog, Just A Second.

See my related post (from many years ago, long before my empty nest, but it discussed the changing parenting roles): T is for . . . Teenagers

How has your role as a parent changed over the years? Were you prepared or surprised by the changes?

For the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge, I've decided to explore the theme of living well and with purpose during times of change. A few years ago, as I neared the end of my years as a homeschool mom, I realized my world would change when my youngest graduated. My roles in the homeschool community and in my social circles were affected. Things changed in the workplace. Things are ever changing at church. And as my children grew up and the nest has begun to empty, family dynamics are changing. To our surprise, my husband's job ended at the very beginning of 2022, and that has brought another round of changes to consider! I know very well that writing about coping with change is not the same as having all the answers. I'll do my best to share what I'm learning and experiencing, and I'd love to hear from others in the comments.

This post is part of the Write 28 Days Blogging Challenge hosted by Anita Ojeda. Find all my posts for the 2022 challenge here: 28 Days of Coping With Change

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A Cup of Coffee and a Word of Advice - Keep Your Perspective

I've got time for a quick cup of coffee and chat this morning, and then I'm off for a busy day. The funny thing is that when I chose the tips to share today, I didn't even think about how the two appointments we have today illustrate what I'm going to talk about. Let me explain - right after I pour myself a bit more coffee.

Okay, our two appointments today - first, we're meeting with a few of the other students in Landon's graduating class so they can practice some music for the ceremony. Because he is GRADUATING, y'all. As in, he had his senior pictures taken yesterday - what??? This is really happening, and it's happening soon.  And then after that practice, both kids have to visit the eye doctor and get updated prescriptions for their glasses or contacts. I need to get my prescription updated too, so I suppose I'll make my appointment while we're there. The hubster just had his eye check yesterday.

What does all that have to do with tips for homeschooling? It's all about perspective and vision. We started homeschooling a long time ago, when our oldest child was ready for first grade. It seemed then like it would be forever until my babies grew up and graduated, but of course we all know how the time flies by, whether you're having fun or not! So today I have a couple of tips about finding a balance between keeping your focus on what you are doing today and the more long-term goals that you need to keep an eye on as well.

Strength for today and a vision for the future are found the same way - by seeking God.

That's why prayer and time in the Word are as essential to your homeschool as they are to your parenting and all other aspects of your life. Ground your plans for your child's education in God's wisdom, from your decision to homeschool in the first place to the day-to-day choices of teaching from a Biblical worldview.

Know that your goal is more than just academics.

Reading, writing, and arithmetic are important, but are only part of the big picture. We're raising up a godly generation of healthy, mature, responsible adults. Teaching them to honor God, to maintain positive relationships, and to be able to lead and influence with integrity are the ultimate goals. From an academic standpoint, I want them to have a well-balanced education and have the background to pursue whatever career they choose. I want them to know how to research and study and learn on their own so that they have the tools they need to succeed in college and in their life's work. Teaching those disciplines of learning, and doing it with a solid Biblical foundation and worldview will also equip them as they mature into independent adults.

Make worthwhile memories.

What do you want your kids to remember about their growing up years once they are out on their own? What kind of stories do you hope they'll have to tell their own children? I hope the scale will tip heavily to memories of love and laughter, togetherness and fun; not to impatience and sternness, pressure and disapproval. So our day-to-day experiences need to be full of those positive things, and that requires a little perspective adjustment from time to time.

I can see that for me, the next couple of months will be full of finding the balance. Pushing kids (especially the grad!) to get that coursework done and done on time, but not sucking the joy out of every day by being a nagging slave-driver. Holding them to a high standard for their schoolwork, but not making them feel like straight A's are the only way to get approval or self-worth. And getting all the papers graded, report cards and transcripts accurately completed, while also planning a grad party and the Summer of Landon vacation celebration. Believe me, these tips were at least as much for me today as they might be for anyone reading them!

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 3:13-14

Get more perspective for homeschool parents from the Schoolhouse Review Crew bloggers! Join the blog hop to read more!

This post is part of the May 2019 Homeschool Collection on the Homeschool Review Crew blog.

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 ©2006-2016 Homeschool Coffee Break. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. http://kympossibleblog.blogspot.com/